Tuesday, June 25, 2013

But if not

Today I want to share some of my feelings surrounding our precious MoMo babies. 

When we were first told that we were having twins I was neither surprised nor shocked. In the weeks leading up to our first appointment I had an overwhelming feeling that it just might be so--- I read up on the odds of conceiving twins if they don't run in the family (which they don't) yet still I thought it just might be so. I didn't tell Rob about my feelings because with only a 3% chance even I kind of thought I was insane. But the morning of our due-date-determining-ultrasound rolled around and as we were packing Gideon up I said "Are you ready to go see your little brothers or sisters?" I hadn't even realized that I had added the 's' but Rob caught it and as we were sitting there watching two little heartbeats on the screen he called me out on it. 

Unfortunately, that exciting news was accompanied with the suspicion that the twins were Monoamniotic Monochorionic. My midwife didn't tell us much about it that day, only that it was a high-risk situation and that we needed a better ultrasound. We set up our 3d ultrasound for the next day and I went home and proceeded to google everything I could about "MoMo twins". It was quite a disheartening experience as I read stories of other women and their loss. 
I read about the odds.
I read about how most doctors still advocate abortion in these cases.
I read about failed experiments and studies. 
I read about the lack of an effective treatment plan. 
I read about delivering the babies by c-section at least 8 weeks early.
I read about the lifelong effects of premature birth. 

But I also read about the miracles.

I read about the outpouring of love that people in these situations received.
I read about mothers who tenderly reached through incubators to caress their babies who were born at only 24 weeks. 
I read about twins who were born at 32 weeks who were pulled out of the womb hugging. 
I read about families who overcame all odds and brought home healthy, happy twins.

And that is when Heavenly Father reminded me of his love and his presence in my life. Most often he does so in the form of bringing scriptures to my heart and mind and on this particular day it was no different. The Spirit called upon the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego to teach me, or reteach rather, the lesson of but if not. 

For those of you who don't know the story, it finds place in the book of Daniel in the Old Testament. King Nebuchadnezzar reigned over the land and decided to build a "golden image" and commanded all to worship it. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego knew that God had commanded them to not worship idols, therefore, they chose to go against the commandments of the king. King Nebuchadnezzar was pretty upset about this and so "in his rage and fury" he called these 3 gentlemen before him and told them that if they didn't worship his golden image he would throw them into a fiery furnace. He mocked their belief in God and asked them if their God would save them. This is their reply---

"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to adeliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us"

Now, that statement in itself is a huge show of faith, but that is not the lesson that Heavenly Father wanted me to learn. That lesson comes in what they say after that---

"But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not aserve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up."

But if not. But if not. But if not. 

These men knew that Heavenly Father had all power to save them and they did not doubt his ability to do so. However, they knew that Heavenly Father's plans are often different than our own.  

And this is my great lesson. I know that Heavenly Father has all power to save my little girls and to bring them safely into my arms but if not, I know that he will love them and care for them himself until that day comes when I will see them in a perfected state. That knowledge is the reason that Rob and I have decided not to live in fear of "the worst case scenario" but to embrace every moment of this pregnancy and celebrate our little girls. We love them so much already! 

If you'd like to know how things turned out for Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, follow this link and read verses 19-30 http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/dan/3.17-18?lang=eng#16


  1. Another sign was the 2 double yolk eggs haha. Y'alls strength during this pregnancy, despite what may or may not happen, is so inspiring. I love you guys and am praying for you. Miss you! :)

  2. This post gave me chills- I really hope and pray for the best for you and your babies, and you have a fantastic attitude!!! Also, the pics of Gideon from your last post are adorable- especially the last one of him in the box. :) Good luck with everything!!!!!!

  3. Hugs and prayers. I know what it's like to have a pregnancy where the outcome isn't sure, one way or the other. I do know that it is all worth it.