Friday, December 18, 2015

Motherhood and the Winter of our Discontent

I've been thinking about seasons. A lot.

I've been thinking about growth and life and I've been thinking about dormant periods and death.

I love how each season is preparatory for the next; how Summer depends on Winter and Spring to give it the water it needs. I love how the rich colors of Fall---and the subsequent death and decay of her leaves---lend nutrients to the earth so that Spring can flourish.

I've been thinking about seasons. And about Motherhood.

I'm sure that I could write about Motherhood being an Eternal Spring; giving and cultivating life and brightness and joy (because it is, and it does), but I'm not going to.

Because Motherhood is also equally Fall and Winter.

Right now almost everything I do, everything that I am, is for my children and my husband. In the morning I wake to my sweet Naomi's cries, and my breasts ache to give her the nutrients she needs. The other kids need diaper changes and cereal, and sometimes some extra love because they woke up grumpy. From that point on, my day is for them.

My husband is pursuing his dream of becoming a violin maker. He learns and creates and interacts with other brilliant minds everyday. I love seeing the progress he has made over the last two years. He is incredible. But in order to create that environment of growth, we have both made sacrifices. For me that has meant taking care of the kids by day and working by night. This leaves little room for me to pursue my dreams (outside of the dream of motherhood).

Sometimes, especially after my 12th diaper change of the day, I look at my Facebook or Instagram feed, and I see my friends doing amazing things. They are getting Masters Degrees, publishing books, painting and sculpting, and travelling the world! And for a small moment I long to take their place.

But here is the crux of the matter: This is but a season. And Rob and I are working together in love and understanding to create seasons of growth for one another.

Is it the winter of my discontent? No, it is just my winter. And winter has some pretty amazing things to offer.